Book Review--The Kid, by Dan Savage

This is a great book. It is a true accounting of Dan and his boyfriend, Terry's, experiences in adopting a child. With great humor, Dan recounts how they arrived at the decision to do an open adoption, their fears that no birth mother would choose them, and their fears when one did (What if she changes her mind? What if we aren't good parents? etc.).

Dan and Terry had originally considered biological fatherhood for Dan, with one of several women they knew (a lesbian couple, a lesbian single, and a straight single woman). Essentially, negotiations fell through on each of these possibilities. So, Terry and Dan decided to try open adoption, a process where the birth mother chooses the adoptive parents and maintains contact after the baby is born.

Part of the process involves writing a "Dear Birthparent" letter to introduce themselves to prospective birth mothers. Dan had a lot of trouble writing this and ended up first writing a hilarious anti-Dear Birthparent letter--saying things that would ensure they never got picked, if they were to actually use it.

The birth mother who picked them was a 20-year-old street kid named Melissa. Dan and Terry faced a dilemma in that she had been drinking and using drugs, until she discovered she was pregnant. They weren't sure if they should take a chance and agree to accept a baby that might have FAS. However, the ultrasound showed normal fetal development, and a couple of doctors who were FAS experts were able to reassure them.

Dan Savage's recounting of their adoption experience is humorous, honest, reflective, and at times political. He shares his views on gay adoption and parenthood, as well as his and Terry's emotional ups and downs as they face the hopes and fears that all adoptive parents face, gay or straight. The book is highly readable, hilarious, yet intelligent and thought-provoking.